Larry’s View

Larry’s view on any and everything.


A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a
holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his
life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing,
only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach
one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, ‘Where did you come from? How did you get here?’ She
replies, ‘I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my
cruise ship sank.’

‘Amazing,’ he notes. ‘You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with
you.’ ‘Oh, this thing?’ explains the woman. ‘I made the boat out of raw
material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came
from a Eucalyptus tree.’

‘But, where did you get the tools?’

‘Oh, that was no problem,’ replied the woman. ‘On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I
used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.’

The guy is stunned.

‘Let’s row over to my place,’ she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she
docks the boat at a small wharf…. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls
off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow
painted in blue and white..

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the
man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says
casually, ‘It’s not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you
like a drink?’

‘No! No thank you,’ he blurts out, still dazed.

‘I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.’ ‘It’s not coconut juice,’
winks the woman. ‘I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?’

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down
on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman
announces, ‘I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you
like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in
the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to
a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

‘This woman is amazing,’ he muses. ‘What next?’

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically
positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit
down next to her.

‘Tell me,’ she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, ‘We’ve been
out here for many months. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you
really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for?’ She
stares into his eyes ..

He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes…….

‘F*****g hell, don’t tell me you’ve got Sky Sports?’

January 11, 2009 Posted by | Adult Humour | Leave a comment